The art of letting go ain't easy or pretty, and this is especially true for anyone with unresolved emotional wounds or a tendency to internalize things. Hopefully, this breakthrough post is relatable in a lot of ways.
Why is letting go so hard for some of us? Personality qualities. Loyalty. Control. Fear. Stubbornness. Attachment. We get attached and it's a natural, human occurrence. Now, add in any hang-ups lingering from childhood, unrealized trauma, and any fears around loss and all of that can make letting anything go a chilling frost bite of a challenge to conquer. It's worth exploring more reasons why letting go can be hard.
Identifying and Recognizing
I'm currently in a place of acknowledging any patterns I exhibit regarding any kind of relationships and other aspects of my life. I'm figuring out, addressing, and working on correcting any behaviors that hinder me. It's...a process, to say the least. As I reflect, I'm learning that I internalize a lot of shit. I'm in my head. A lot. Analyzing. Justifying. Trying to understand the "why" and make sense of things -- see, there I go again. This mostly occurs whenever things go wrong -- as least as I perceive it.
I'm also nearing the end of my first Saturn Return, which brings challenges in any given area of life but it also brings growth and wisdom. This is a time to assess whatever you've been doing for the first 30 years of your life and gauge if where you are is where you wanna be. If so, great. It's time to go all in and charge forward on your path in life because the right doors are opening up. But if what you've always done hasn't been working or you're in a rut right now...it's time to get clear on what's impeding your greatness. Make changes. And stick to that.
The late 20s and early 30s are a special time. This life phase is like a second puberty because a lot of changes are taking place internally or externally (whether circumstantial or on a worldwide level). And for maybe half of my generation, we experienced a pandemic during a time in life where we're coming into the person we're going to be. We were either at the beginning of our Saturn Return or dealing with the immediate result of it. Values are either challenged or crystalized. Personality is fleshed out a bit more or evolves into something else. The social distancing and even economical downfall affected everyone heavily one way or another, but especially so for "millennials" and the upcoming generation.
Transitioning Through Endings and Beginnings
I feel like I'm in a cycle that's forcing me to grow up some more. You can tell you're in some kind of transition or cycle in life when it seems like things are just not working out for some reason and luck or timing is just not on your side. It's like one negative (or unwanted) thing is happening after another. Or if you feel like you're in a loop where circumstances keep repeating (read: same script; different cast). The universe is trying to get your attention and force you to pause and see what you've been doing and examine if it's been working out for you or not. Something is coming to the surface for you to address and change...or accept...or let go.
I'm still experiencing some delayed growing pains in terms of adjusting to not getting what I want when I want due to timing, the universe's will, or maybe my own inner work that's an ongoing journey to heal. And it sucks soooo bad not getting or having what you want due to forces that are out of your control. Damn, it hurts. But maybe that's my karma and one of my life lessons to realize and accept. You don't always get what you want. That's life. And it might work out like that for a reason that's yet to be determined. This is where a willingness to let go is crucial for better mental health.
Clearing Space for What's Next
Blue Telusma reminded me of something I'd heard before in one variation or another, but didn't quite understand until now. She said something I needed to hear at this point in my life. She shared a gem that inspired me to take a deeeep breath because it hits deep.
"A lot of times, when you lose something...it's creating space for something better."
Personally, I believe everything happens for a reason and I also have faith in 'what's for me won't miss me'. Life has a funny and messed up way of re-directing you. I'm always trying to see and understand the reason for why things happen or end up the way they do; whether it's job opportunities falling through or working out for the best... Whether it's crossing paths with certain people at a certain time in your life... Whether it's people entering your life for a season or a reason, either becoming a special part of your life long-term or fading away and leaving... It might be part of a bigger plan at work.
5 Lessons I Took from 2022
I took away some lessons from last year. And if they aren't quite lessons, they're realizations I arrived at in hindsight. After the fact. After it was all said and done. 'Cuz I be late to the party.
When good things happen, recognize it, enjoy it, and appreciate it.
Timing really is everything.
Speak up and address things that concern you even when it's uncomfortable to do so.
Reminder: Nothing lasts forever.
Show gratitude and appreciation for those you cherish; let them know -- like, right then and there. Let folks know how you feel about them.
I'm also learning: What you've always wanted is on the other side of that hard conversation you haven't had.
My life themes for 2023
Because I'm still figuring life out while living it, I try to take some time to reflect because it gives me direction. A handful of themes came to me because I haven't focused much on them before -- intentionally -- but I feel a natural progression towards them now. I think I'm gaining a better understanding of these concepts.
Acceptance: I need to accept what I can't change and have no control over. I need to accept things as they are. I need to accept people for who they are and where they are in life. I need to accept myself and my darkness (shadow self) and give grace.
Letting go: I need to let go of what happened in the past and what was, because I'm not there anymore and it's not my present. I can recognize it, but I don't want to live there. I need to let go of people who have made a choice to no longer be in my life or show up for me as I'd perceive. Let go of control. Let go of expectations -- within reason. I need to let go of once-thought needs that aren't serving me.
Vulnerability: There's power in being open and and having the willingness to share your emotions and weaknesses. I haven't always done this and it's built emotional walls and even contributed to any emotional blockages I may have when it comes to letting people into my inner world. That is changing now. I know it's hindered my relationships. Within reason and when I've been provided a safe space and trust is there, I need to lay all my shit on the table and let others know what's going on at a given moment -- or maybe just get it all out upfront in the case of new opportunities.
Love: I'm open to love and am ready for it to enter my life. I have a lot of love to give and I'm ready to receive a lot of love as well. A pure, patient and true love. I know I'm deserving of a great love. The work I continue to do on myself will show up in my loving, romantic relationship and strengthen it.
Balance: Remembering balance is key for me.
So...forgive me for showing up a little differently (hopefully better) now as I come more into myself and continue on this inner work journey.
“Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.” ~Sonia Ricotti
Does this resonate with with you? What are your life themes that are coming to the surface to either learn or deal with?
What does letting go look like for you?
Releasing physical and material possessions
Moving on from people and no longer holding on to the past
Submission to a greater purpose
Other
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